Showing posts from March, 2013

A Typical Bad Day.

So I thought I should detail what a typical bad day for me involves. I'd like to make it clear before I start that mental illness manifests itself in many different ways. I have severe clinical depression and anxiety, and I'm actually quite lucky in that my symptoms, realistically, aren't that destructive.

A bad day for me often begins the night before. It happens a lot less now I'm on medication, but it typically begins with a sort of of... wave. I could have had a perfectly good day, but I'll suddenly start to feel numb. That's when I know it's beginning.

During the night I won't really sleep - I'll keep waking up, I'll be very uncomfortable. I'll often burst in to tears for no reason. This is one of the worst parts of the cycle, because it's like feeling yourself enter a car crash in slow motion. It's at this time I'm at my most self-loathing too. I become furious. I think of all the logical reasons for why I shouldn't fee…


So I'll probably come back to this a few times, but its very much on my mind at the moment. I'm very much alone at university. This is very much by choice. I pretend to my friends that I'm religious and want to the 'right person' to come along. In truth I don't want to get close to people because I don't want to drag someone into my life. As I said in my first post, I'm very aware of how people see depressives, and subsequently I fear relationships. I entrust knowledge of my condition to as few people as possible.

I can't really drink, because I take anti-depressants. So every time I go out, I can get as into it as I like, but I'm sober enough to either have the thought "Whoah don't get off with someone! What if they want your number!" or the thought "Don't bother speaking to them, they won't like you" or both. Now, don't get me wrong, so far I sound the same as everyone else right? So here's some stuff to…


The entire point of this blog is that it is anonymous. I could be anyone. 

However, I have to tell you a little about myself in order to start this diary. I'm currently studying English Literature and Comparative Literary Studies at the University of Warwick in England. I'm in my very early twenties and at the beginning of this academic year, I was diagnosed with severe clinical depression. 

So why am I writing this? Well, being depressed at university can be a very challenging experience, and I hope that by sharing my thoughts and experiences, I'll encourage several things:

Depression and other mental illnesses must cease to be a taboo and something people are ashamed of.People should feel more able to seek help if they think they're suffering with mental illness.Students need to be more aware of those around them and how they might be feeling.People make the assumption that depression is an obvious illness, that there must be something 'different' about someon…