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Showing posts from July, 2013

Shame.

It's no big secret that people with mental health issues feel ashamed. I've spoken about this many times on both a personal and a community level. But, with my second session of a renewed CBT course completed today, I have been confronted with something that I think defines me as a person: I am ashamed of who I am.

I have the extraordinary ability to denigrate every aspect of my life. I believe myself to be thoroughly physically repulsive. Not just "I'm too fat" or "My nose is too big" – I literally think of myself as less attractive than the elephant man. I also think of myself as a very self-centred and selfish human being, an unintelligent and ineloquent person, and ultimately a failure.

There are degrees to which this helps me in life, believe it or not. I assume that people must think so little of me that I am quite confident; I take the attitude that "their opinions of me can't possibly get any worse" much of the time, and this allow…